I just read an angst-filled article written by a woman who is obviously intelligent, accomplished, and self-aware. In it, she outlined how she is much more concerned with a man being good enough for her than in making herself good enough for him.
I commend her for her determination not to settle and to continue to hold out for someone who makes her happy. I’m not a fan of settling by any means. It’s just that she sounds kind of pissed.
The search for love can be frustrating and fraught with all sorts of disappointments. When we come from a lonesome, angst-filled place it’s easy to start feeling angry. Whether justified or not, anger is not attractive.
Love is not waiting for you to find it, hiding from you in the form of some man who won’t call you or commit to a relationship.
Love is not “out there”. Love is you. You are love. No one can give it to you or withhold it from you. It is the very essence of your being. Until you realize this on some level, you will never be satisfied or fulfilled in any of your relationships and you will continue to seek outside of yourself for something that you’ve had all along.
You can at any moment, change your mind and realize this. You will still want companionship, friends, a significant other, but the horrible raw longing of trying to find someone to validate you will dissipate. You will feel more at peace and be way more attractive to everyone you meet. Huge win.
You can simply choose to move on rather than getting caught up in drama when someone disappoints you. There is no reason to outline the ways in which someone has let you down unless you’re trying to strengthen your resolve not to pick up the next time he calls you.
If you’ve determined that someone is not right for you, just move on. Choose to trust that there is someone better for you and that you will meet him soon.
If you feel the need to rant, as we all do from time to time, look inside yourself to see what you might learn. The traits that most annoy us in others are sometimes traits we ourselves possess.
See what you can learn from this experience. If you feel like someone has let you down, can you see how you may be letting yourself down? How did you contribute to this situation?
This is not easy to do. We resist taking responsibility for painful situations in our lives, but once we do, we regain our power.
Taking responsibility is not blaming yourself. It is simply learning everything you can so that you can move on in peace and make a better choice next time. Do this with the utmost compassion for yourself. Give yourself the love you long to receive from another.
When you remember that you are love and come from this place in your life and in dating, you will feel more attractive, at peace and confident. People will be drawn to you and you will feel more optimistic and hopeful about everything in life, not just love.
The love you find out in the world will be that much sweeter because you will have found the source in yourself.
If you enjoyed this post and you’re ready to find the love of your life, check out my free video series “3 ways to find the love you want”.