Who should pay for dates?

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September 21, 2015
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October 5, 2015

Who should pay for dates?

You’re out on a date and the check comes. It’s an awkward moment and you’re not sure what to do. Do you run for the ladies’ room, do the fake purse-grab, the real purse-grab, or sit quietly while he picks up the check? Decisions, decisions.

So, who should pay for dates? I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer to this question, because there are so many possibilities. He may be broke, you may have a trust fund. You may both make the same amount but he thinks it’s chivalrous to pay. Perhaps your last boyfriend was stingy and you’ll be darned if you’ll finance another relationship.

When navigating the somewhat treacherous waters of finance and dating, I recommend that you decide what’s important to you, be open to what’s important to him and understand that compromise is possible.

Decide what’s important to you. If you really must go to five star restaurants and have him pick up the check every time, then you know what to do. If there’s a little more wiggle room, you’ll probably have an easier time dating.

Do you care more about the money and venues that are chosen, or about chivalry and being cared for? You have every right to want whatever it is that you want, but find out what is underneath your wishes.

It’s probably not really about the money, but what it symbolizes for you.

Take some time to think about this and be clear about your priorities.

Be open to what’s important to him. He may indeed be chivalrous, but have enormous child support payments. He may pick inexpensive venues, but insist on paying. Dating can be expensive for men who always pay and have a limited budget.

If you want to be in a relationship with someone you really care about, you need to be open to what’s important to him. If you’re important to him, he may want to court you and spoil you, at least in the very beginning, but hopefully for the duration of your relationship.

This may be subject to the limitations of his budget though, and you’d be wise to determine whether the limitation is in his heart or his wallet.

Understand that compromise is possible. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’ll become very familiar with the art of compromise. Compromise is not about foregoing all of your needs, it’s about deciding what’s most important and how to merge your priorities with those of another person. You’ll need to develop this skill.

If you’re dating a man who’s budget-challenged, but adores you and treats you like a queen you have the option of going on cheaper dates, helping him pay for dates, or trading him in for someone with a bigger budget.

Who should pay for dates? It’s certainly up to you, but your decision will be much easier when you’re clear about your priorities.


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