You know you need to date. You want to find the right guy so you’re out there slogging it out. Sometimes it seems like you’re going on job interviews with martinis, but you do it. You come home from the office, touch up your makeup, head out, meet new guy. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Sometimes you hear from him again, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes there’s a connection, many times there isn’t.
What should you do when you hate dating? I recommend three things; screen your dates, be real, and understand that this is part of your journey.
First of all, screen your dates. Check out more than just his photos and his job description. Does he say anything you can relate to? Has he sent you a decent email or a one-sentence generic note that could have been sent to anyone on the site? Is he putting in any effort to get to know you?
Have a couple of good email exchanges, and insist on a phone conversation first. It is much easier to get on the phone with someone than it is to go on a date and it’s a huge time-saver. You can learn a lot about a person during a simple phone conversation. Try it.
Once you’re on a date, connect with him as a real person who is looking for love. He’s hoping to make a connection, just like you are. He has exes, a job, bills to pay, maybe some kids, deadlines, annoying relatives, just like you. He’s not trying to waste your time.
As much as you can, connect with the people you date as real human beings. Of course you’re there to see if you want a second date and to assess his potential as a mate, but you can always be friendly and kind. There really is no obligation. It’s just a date. If you’re feeling overwhelmed about this, go back to step one and only schedule dates with men you would really like to meet.
Finally, remember that dating is part of your journey at this time in your life, not just a means to an end. So much of life is about the journey. You don’t graduate every day, get a promotion every day, or run a marathon every day.
Most days are about getting up in the morning and doing what we need to do. Eating breakfast, going to work, going to the gym, taking care of ourselves and the people who count on us.
As much as is possible, try to see dating as an adventure.
There is much to be learned from the people we meet and the experiences we have.
Be in the moment, add what you can to the other person’s experience and take the lesson home with you.
The next time you find yourself ordering up martinis on a first date, I hope you’ll keep these things in mind. It will make it a better experience for both of you. Enjoy the date, the journey and the martini. Cheers!
If you enjoyed this post and you’re ready to find the love of your life, check out my free video series “3 ways to find the love you want”.