What if he stands you up?

Who should pay for dates?
September 28, 2015
Run your race
October 12, 2015

What if he stands you up?

You have a date. At least, you thought you did. Then, something goes wrong. You’re either waiting for him at the restaurant, or you get a last-minute email or text that he can’t make it. Maybe he wants to reschedule, maybe he simply disappears, only to resurface a few months later hoping for a second chance.

Things like this make online dating ridiculously infuriating. You may wonder why on earth you ever considered it. Can I get an Amen?

When a man stands you up, don’t take it personally.

These things do happen, especially in online dating and it’s better to move on if he flakes. Online dating is still the best thing going, statistically speaking, so let’s reason this out.

First, know that it’s not about you. These things happen. You didn’t know this person. You’re putting yourself out there to find someone and sometimes you will meet with disappointment. Don’t take it personally. It happens to us all. Welcome yourself to the club and pat yourself on the back. Consider yourself initiated.

Also, make sure you have an amazing profile and pictures and screen your dates by checking out their profiles. Make sure that their contact with you has been respectful and talk to men on the phone before you agree to meet them. If a few flakes slip in after that, chalk it up to experience and keep moving. Don’t let these disappointments stop you from reaching for the life you want to have.

I don’t recommend giving a second chance to someone who stands you up on a first date. Based on my own and my clients’ experience of this phenomenon, someone who flakes on you does not respect your time.

Move on. You want someone who wants a relationship, has his life together and is responsible. If he can’t even handle meeting you for a date, I’d say that’s a very large red flag. Wish him well and move on.

Just to clarify, I define flaking as a last-minute cancellation or an outright stand-up. Rescheduling in advance because life happens isn’t necessarily flaking although it can be a red flag if it happens too often.

There are plenty of single men, so get out there. While being stood up or flaked on can be very discouraging, you need to remember what it is that you’re doing. You’re reaching for your dream. You want to have love in your life and you know that the best way to do that is to keep dating. So do that.

If a man resurfaces after flaking out, take a pass. Make it your mission to move on immediately toward the life you want to have with someone who can have it with you. You deserve to date someone who wants what you do and makes the time to get to know you. Insist on someone who’s willing to make time and space for you in his life.


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