It’s been estimated that up to one third of online profiles are posted by a married person. While this is disheartening, don’t let it scare you away from online dating. It’s important to keep your eyes open and proceed with caution, but there are still plenty of opportunities to meet wonderful men who really are available for a relationship.
Look for these signs to help you determine who’s available for a relationship and who may not be.
1) He hasn’t posted a picture, or only has one picture. This is a biggie. Everyone’s dating online these days so there’s no stigma about it anymore. If he can’t post a picture, something’s off.
2) He states in his profile that he’s very busy with work, his kids, his cat, whatever. He’s very clear that his schedule is full and you’ll be a side dish, not the main course.
3) He lives out of town or travels a lot. He may not be married, but do you ever want to see him? You’re better off dating someone local.
4) Phone behavior: Never calls, only calls at weird times, never picks up his phone when you call, speaks in hushed tones. If you meet him (not recommended) his phone is never on or is always silenced.
5) He won’t meet you in person. Move on. You want a relationship, not a pen pal, phone sex partner, whatever.
6) He’ll issue a “disclaimer” early on. Perk up your ears on the first date/phone conversation. If he says something like “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” believe him and exit, stat.
7) You never meet his friends or family. If you’re hoping for a long-term relationship that’s got a future, meeting the important people in his life should be part of the deal. If he keeps you separate from the rest of his life, something is wrong.
8) You don’t know where he lives or have never been to his place. Huge red flag.
9) Your relationship doesn’t evolve into “hang out” time. You only go on dates or have sex. You don’t spend very much time together.
10) There’s a lot of mystery. You may not know his last name or details about his life. There are a lot of gaps.
11) Trust your gut. If you feel that something is off, listen to that little voice.
If you’re up front about your desire for a long term relationship in your profile it can help to discourage unavailable men from contacting you. Don’t be overly concerned with “scaring him off”. Some men need to be scared off.
Be clear about the kind of relationship you want to have and don’t settle for less. You deserve to spend your life with someone who adores you. Start now by only spending your time with the serious contenders.
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