I hope you’re enjoying the new year so far and looking and feeling your best. A new look can do wonders for your outlook on life, but it’s important not to stop there. Inner work is just as important, but people are tempted to skip it because it’s less tangible and they aren’t sure what to do or where to begin. It’s much easier to go get your nails done than it is to upgrade your unconscious beliefs so that you can have a better love life. If you have some things going on unconsciously that are holding you back, those gorgeous nails will only get you so far.
So, why am I talking about the unconscious? Well, think about the things that you want in life that you don’t have yet. You say you want them, but somehow, they are not part of your reality yet. Why not? You want them, don’t you? If you want a pair of shoes, you go to the store and buy them. If you want to meet the One, well, maybe it’s not so straightforward.
Your unconscious mind is essentially your operating system, like the one a computer has. When you turn on your computer, you see that nice color monitor light up and off you go. You happily click away and your computer does what you want it to. Underneath all of that is really a bunch of 1’s and 0’s. That’s it! Most of us have no idea how this works and we don’t need to.
Your subconscious mind works very much like a computer. It was programmed early in your life, and it helps you do amazing things without thinking about them consciously, like remembering how to get dressed, tie your shoes, drive a car. These things required effort to learn, but now they are automatic.
Your subconscious mind was also programmed to handle relationships early in your life and subsequent experiences have tended to reinforce this program. That is why you can want something different, read about dating tips, follow all the popular advice and still end up in the same place in your relationships again and again. If you can bring your “relationship program” to consciousness, you will be able to make new choices in your life instead of continuing to end up in the same place in all of your relationships.
One of the ways that you can work with your unconscious mind is journaling. Set aside at least 15 minutes when you will not be disturbed and sit down with a piece of paper and ask yourself, “why am I single”? Write down “I am single because” and see what comes up. Another great tool is “morning pages”. First thing in the morning, write down three pages of whatever comes into your mind, do not edit, critique or show the pages to anyone else. You may begin to see some patterns.
You can also start keeping a dream journal. Your dreams are your unconscious mind’s playground. Take a look and see if you can notice anything it’s trying to tell you. You can also meditate. This practice can calm and center you and help you separate from your thoughts and emotions and gain some perspective. Listening to guided meditations can reprogram your unconscious mind to accept healthier ideas about relationships and any other ideas that you would like to work on.
Read motivational and inspirational books, blogs and articles. Stay away from anything negative or depressing, at least for now. Surround yourself with positive people and positive ideas. Limit your time with anyone who brings you down. Pay attention to how you feel when you are with certain people, watch certain shows, read certain things, and act accordingly.
Working with a coach is also a fantastic way to fast-track your progress toward your goals. A coach can help you see where you may be stopping yourself and help you create new, better habits and a healthier mindset. A good coach will give you honest feedback and be invested in your success. She can also provide encouragement and motivation to stay the course when you’re having a tough time.
In order to have something you’ve never had, you need to do something you’ve never done.
I hope that I’ve given you some ideas that you will use and inspired you to commit to yourself and the life that you want to have this year.
If you enjoyed this post and you’re ready to find the love of your life, check out my free video series “3 ways to find the love you want”.