You say you want a long-term relationship. You really do. Then you go on about your life and meet someone. There he is, handsome, funny, successful, and you feel that attraction. The next thing you know, you’re in a relationship.
Things seem to be fine for a while and then they start to slip. He’s not calling as much, you’re doing all the work, or there’s no future talk. Maybe you emerge from the cloud of hormones to find that you’re not really compatible at all. What happened?
Here’s what happened. You didn’t do your homework. You need to figure out what you want first, evaluate potential matches from the start and hold out for what you want. In other words, your every action must support your goals.
First, you must decide what you want. If you don’t have a list, make one. What kind of relationship do you want to be in? Do you want marriage, children, or a long-term live in arrangement? Whatever it is that you want, own it.
There’s simply no point hopping into a relationship with someone that you’re attracted to and trying to sort things out on the back end. You’ve been doing that all your life and it hasn’t gotten you the results you wanted.
Decide what you want now and commit to your goal.
Once you’re clear on what you want, you can look at your suitors more objectively. Can you have the kind of life you want to have with this person? Yes or no? It really is that simple.
If he wants to have an open relationship or spend the next two years in the Peace Corps and you want to buy a house and have kids, then you’re not going to be able to have the kind of relationship you want with him. Find someone whose desires are compatible with yours.
You can have the kind of relationship you want to have.
There are all kinds of relationships, open, straight, gay, traditional and anything in between. I promise you that whatever you want isn’t impossibly weird. There’s someone else on this planet who will be ok with it.
Commit to yourself and the life you want to have. Then take actions that are aligned with your goals. Don’t you dare tell me that you want a long term relationship that leads to marriage so that you can have kids in the next five years and then go out and chase players.
Do things that make sense. This isn’t about crazy off the charts chemistry. It’s about taking responsibility for your own life and taking actions that increase the odds of your actually having what you want in life.
Once you decide what you want, make sure you only date guys who want the same thing. When your actions are in line with your goals, you’ll have a much better chance of having the life you want to have.
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