Have you ever been tempted by those headlines that promise to make you irresistible to men? How about the ones that promise to help you get your ex back or make a man be completely smitten with you? Me too. What woman doesn’t want to be the object of intense desire?
Most of the time, these articles advise us to manipulate our behaviors in order to “catch” a man. As if he’s some wild animal we have to lure in and trap. Ick.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being the best version of yourself possible, but there’s a huge difference between that and engaging in manipulative tactics in order to orchestrate a relationship.
You’ll never find true, lasting love by manipulating your behavior in order to influence another person’s feelings for you.
My advice is to realize that there’s much more to you than your behavior, understand that you can’t make someone love you and examine your motives.
You are more than the sum total of your actions. Have you ever been around someone who did and said all the right things but something felt “off”? That’s what happens when you set out to manipulate a situation.
The other person can feel it. They may not be able to put their finger on what’s happening, but something will feel wrong. Your energy will leak into the interaction and the other person will feel it on some level.
You can’t make someone love you. The best you can do is to condition or train them into behaving in certain ways, but this is manipulation, not love.
Most dating tips advise us to mimic behaviors that come naturally to confident people. Wouldn’t you rather possess true confidence than constantly worry about rules? Don’t you want to be with someone who knows you, who “gets” you, instead of trying to remember how you’re supposed to act all the time?
It’s all about the motive. Do you have the other person’s best interests at heart or is it all about you? Love isn’t all about you.
If your motive is to “catch” someone, to make him fall in love with you and do what you want, ask yourself why. Would you want someone to do this to you? What are his hopes and dreams? Do you really want some kind of mindless slave? If you do, it isn’t love you’re wanting.
If it’s true love you want, forget the manipulation tactics and find someone who wants the kind of relationship you want to have and wants these things with you. There won’t be a need for games or rules with this person. You’ll be able to be yourself and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
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