Do you really want him back?

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September 18, 2016
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September 25, 2016

Do you really want him back?

You get a text and it’s from HIM! The guy who dumped you, ghosted, or that you haven’t quite gotten over yet. You know the one. What to do now?

Your ideal response depends on the nature of the correspondence, the status of the previous relationship and the current circumstances.

First things first. What kind of text was it? Did he just say “hey”, “hi”, or “what’s up”? Is it 2 AM? Is it an indecent picture? If any of these apply, you know what to do.

If it was something more heartfelt, such as an apology or an invitation to get together and talk, you may want to consider responding, unless this is a pattern with him.

Sometimes, a man will need some space to evaluate the possibility of taking a relationship to the next level or to get a grip on his feelings for you. Ideally, he won’t simply vanish, but sometimes this happens. Consider hearing him out if he seemed like a keeper.

Second, think about the kind of relationship you had with him prior to the break. How long were you dating? Did he treat you well? Were there any deal-breakers?

Do you know in your gut that he’s not your guy, but you’re feeling lonely and hoping against hope that a miracle has occurred and he’s changed? Did this guy even come close to meeting your needs or were there a ton of red flags?

You’re allowed to have needs in life and to be with someone who can meet them. If this man wasn’t fitting the bill, consider taking a pass unless something drastic has changed and he makes it clear that he’s up for the kind of relationship you want to have.

Also, he needs to be ready now, not someday, and not maybe. Vague promises about the future aren’t enough to let him back into your life or your heart.

Finally, what are the current circumstances? Has something significant changed? Maybe he was unemployed before and he has a job now, that hellish project at work has ended, or he finally finished grad school.

Maybe he missed you so much that he’s decided that he really does want children, marriage or whatever you may have disagreed on before.

The key is to determine whether he’s blowing smoke or is serious about showing up for the kind of relationship you want to have. Figuring this out as soon as possible will save you months or years of heartache.

Think about these things before you respond to a man who has resurfaced and if you decide to give it another chance, have a heart to heart as soon as possible to find out where you stand.

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