Are you playing big enough?

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April 3, 2016
Do you expect too much from dating?
April 10, 2016

Are you playing big enough?

In today’s post, I’m going to get super real. I see so many women who are frustrated with love and dating for one simple reason: They have no idea what they really want.

A lot of women I know get stuck here. They’ve never really thought much about it, or they think they know, but it turns out to be something they feel like they should want.

I was talking to a wonderful client the other day who told me that she wanted marriage and children, but she also wants to run away to Europe. Meanwhile, she keeps dating guys who try to get her in bed by the end of the third date and exit stage left. This is a classic recipe for staying stuck.

I also hear from women who want to date a lot. Alpha males, guys about town, hot guys, rich guys. All at once. Why? She’s not sure, but it sounds really fun. She read about it in a blog post and wants to have men longing for her en masse.

Then she’s upset the next week because instead of pursuing her, Mr. Man About Town is dating three other women. Meanwhile, she’s dating four other guys. Maybe. Depending on how you define dating.

What do you want? Own it. If you want to date a bunch of guys at once, that’s fine, but realize that they’re dating other women as well. That’s how these things work. If you want monogamy, you can have it, but it doesn’t go both ways. Pick one. If you don’t like it, you can change your mind. Just pick one for now and try it on.

If you want to travel the world and have a fabulous adventure, that’s great. That’s absolutely what you should do. Realize that as a woman, your biological clock will keep ticking, so make peace with it and pack your bags. Or don’t. Make a decision though, and when you do, own it.

You absolutely must decide what you want before you will have any chance at all of happiness. Get to the bottom of it. Allow yourself to think about it. Sift out the essence of what you really want from everyone else’s expectations and from what you think you should want.

Do you really want a baby or are all your friends having them? Have you always thought that you should have a baby? The same thing goes for marriage, grad school, dating every guy in your city, just fill in the blank.

I find that men are generally better at knowing what they want than women are, so watch the guys in your life for great clues. Watch how confident they are in the rightness of their wishes, how unapologetic they are about wanting whatever it is that they want and going for it full force. Then do the same.

Allow yourself to get to the very essence of the life you want to have and then own it. Do this without shame, apology or worrying about how it makes you look. Once you decide what you want, you’ll know where you’re heading and have a much better shot at getting there.

 

If you enjoyed this post and would like some support in figuring out what your next step should be in your journey toward love, click here to book a complimentary discovery call with me!

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