You’re out there dating, really giving this thing a shot. Mostly. You’ve been going on one or two dates a week with someone suitable. More or less. It just never works out.
No one ever knocks your socks off. You don’t care if you ever see them again. It ends with an awkward hug. They don’t call and you don’t care.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
There may be a few variations. Every so often, you meet someone who may be a possibility, but he’s just out of a relationship, lives in another city, or is much too busy to focus on a relationship. What gives?
It could be that you’re not emotionally available. A person who is truly emotionally available will not tolerate an emotionally unavailable partner, so if this is happening to you, the best thing to do is to consider your own emotional availability.
You can’t attract an emotionally available person if you’re not emotionally available.
You have to be available to yourself before you can extend yourself to someone else. Can you tolerate being alone without turning on the TV, computer, or reading? Are you able to simply be with yourself? What happens if you try?
Can you allow yourself to experience your emotions without distracting yourself? How do you handle other people’s feelings? Do emotional displays make you extremely uncomfortable?
You don’t have to let your life devolve into a complete drama-fest, but if you’re not able to navigate emotions or conflict, it’s not likely that you’re in a good place to become involved in an intimate relationship.
If you’re feeling safe, if somewhat lonesome, on the island that has become your life, ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship.
Do you truly want to share your life with someone, or do you just want to have someone to do things with? Are you having fun with your girlfriends and merely want someone on your arm for special occasions?
Do you really want to let someone else into your life and your heart? What is it that you’re afraid you’ll lose if you do?
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. You want what you want. The answers will reveal what you’re looking for though, and if an intimate relationship isn’t the goal, at least you’ll have the information you need and can focus your attentions elsewhere.
If you enjoyed this post and you’re ready to find the love of your life, check out my free video series “3 ways to find the love you want”.