You’re on a great date, the chemistry is off the charts and you’re excited. Where has this amazing man been all your life? You cannot wait to kiss him, and you can definitely imagine doing much more than that!
It’s so wonderful when you really connect with someone and you can see yourself with him, especially if it’s been awhile since you’ve met someone special. You can’t wait to hop into bed, have him in your life, and enjoy your happily ever after.
If your goal is a long term relationship, how long should you wait before you sleep with him? The answer is, it depends. There are things you need to find out before you throw caution to the wind and bed down with a new man.
Specifically, you’ll benefit most from knowing if he shares your relationship goals, is really your boyfriend and there is an established timeline for the progression of your relationship.
First, does he share your relationship goals? If you’re out for a long term relationship, marriage, or children, you need to find out early on if the man you are seeing shares these goals. If he doesn’t, continuing to see him is inviting trouble and sleeping with him could be a disaster.
Once you’ve spent a good deal of time with him and started sleeping with him, you’ll be much more willing to compromise your wishes and possibly spend years on a heartbreaking detour from your dreams. He’s unlikely to change his mind, so find out what his goals are early on and act accordingly.
You deserve to have the life you want. Don’t throw yourself under the bus for chemistry and sex.
Second, is he your boyfriend? He may share your romantic goals, but can he see having those things with you? Does he want to be exclusive with you? A man who wants to be your boyfriend will ask you to be exclusive. He will want to know if you are seeing other men. He will ask you out regularly and be in contact with you. He will not leave you guessing. You will know how he feels.
Be super clear on this unless you want him leaving your bed and going home to log onto Match.com. If you want a long term relationship, it’s best not to sleep with men who aren’t your boyfriend.
Finally, is there any kind of timeline for your relationship? Once a guy’s got you locked down into girlfriend mode and is having his needs met and sleeping with you, things can slow to a glacial pace.
Have a conversation about what kind of timeline you can expect before things get this far. Think about how long you will be comfortable being his girlfriend and what you’d like to happen in the future. Do you want to be engaged within a year? Do you want to move in together when your lease is up if things are going well?
When a man asks you to be exclusive with him, that’s your chance to let him know what kind of relationship you’d like to have and what kind of timeline you’re willing to agree to. Consenting to be his eternal girlfriend will not do you any good unless that is what you really want. You both need to be clear about this before you hop into bed.
This is your life, your body and your future. Chemistry can fade very quickly, so before you let it carry you off into a situation that ends up not working for you, ask the questions you need to ask. If this new relationship is right for you. There will be plenty of time to sleep with him later. You won’t regret taking care of yourself and making sure you’ll get the rest of what you want too.
If you enjoyed this post and you’re ready to find the love of your life, check out my free video series “3 ways to find the love you want”.