Have you been ghosted?

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Have you been ghosted?

You’ve been seeing someone new and you’re so excited. You have wonderful conversations, he’s attractive and has all the qualities you’ve been wanting. Things are going well, at least you think they are.

Then you stop hearing from him. Maybe he cancels on you at the last minute, or stops contacting you when everything seemed fine just the day before. You reach out, but there’s no response. Is his phone broken? Did he fall off a cliff? Should you call him?

Ghosting is becoming increasingly common in our digital dating culture. Unfortunately, a good first date or even a good first month or two is no guarantee that things will move forward. Ghosting can happen for any reason, he’s married, reunited with his ex, or wasn’t that into you. You may never know.

Here’s what to do if you’ve been ghosted.

Realize that it’s not about you. Ghosting is usually an attempt to avoid confrontation and hurting someone’s feelings. It’s cowardly. People who do this usually possess poor communications/relationship skills and weren’t right for you anyway. Let them go. Spend a little time thinking about what happened in the relationship. Did you see any red flags and choose to ignore them? Were you afraid to ask for what you wanted? How well did you really know him? Did you ask the questions you needed to ask before getting involved?

I don’t recommend demanding closure, but it is acceptable to reach out in a friendly way and ask for honest feedback once a few weeks have passed. Maybe he’ll be willing to tell you the truth. The odds are against it though. If this person disappeared on you he’s probably not going to be able to have this kind of conversation and you’re likely to find yourself frustrated.

To reduce your chances of having this happen in the future, get clear about the kind of relationship you want to have and make sure the men you date want the same thing you do. There’s no point in giving your heart to someone who’s not on the same page as you. Figure this out before you go all in.

Take your future happiness into your own hands by knowing what you want and taking appropriate action toward having it. Romantic detours are less likely to happen when you have a clear road map and commit to arriving at your destination.

If you’ve been ghosted, don’t be hard on yourself and doubt your attractiveness. Instead, use this experience to reflect on what you can do better in your life going forward, get clear about your desires and commit to taking action toward them.

 

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