Do you refuse to settle?

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Do you refuse to settle?

You’ve been single for a while now and you’d really like to meet someone special. You absolutely refuse to settle.

While it’s better to be single than in an unhappy relationship, some compromises may be in order if you’re serious about finding someone any time soon.

Decide what you must have, make peace with the fact that you’re probably not going to get everything you want and think about how you want to feel in your relationship.

Getting your priorities in order is a great first step toward finding the right person. Decide what yours are now. I’ve seen women in their 40’s refuse to date anyone who is divorced, doesn’t earn six figures, or is not six feet tall.

I can certainly sympathize. We all want what we want. My question to you is, are you really willing to be alone over it?

These same women will date men who treat them horribly and settle for crumbs from men who may earn those six figures, but have no interest whatsoever in sharing a life with them. This is settling.

There’s a point when holding out will not serve you, so decide where to draw the line now. You may not be able to find a man who has every single quality you want who is interested in dating you, but you should be able to have your major deal-breakers met. These should be character-based, like kindness, honesty and loyalty.

You can reasonably expect to find someone who has at least 80% of what you’re looking for. Don’t insist on tossing aside someone wonderful just because of the way he dresses or his eating habits. Keep the big picture in mind and be willing to compromise. You can always take him shopping or cook more nutritious food together.

Often, our fixation with external qualities keeps us attracted to men who aren’t good for us. Be willing to compromise on things that aren’t deal-breakers for you. If you want to be in a long-term relationship, you’ll definitely need to learn to compromise anyway, so you may as well start now.

Finally, consider how you want to feel in the relationship you’re currently seeking. Do you want to feel loved, cherished and safe? How about valued and respected? Is it important that you have the same lifestyle goals or religion?

If you think about it, the way you feel in your relationship is the root of everything. It’s the beginning and the end. It doesn’t matter how much money your boyfriend makes or how good-looking he is if you’re feeling horrible because he doesn’t call you or want to discuss a future with you.

Start choosing men who are good for you and treat you well. Compromising is necessary, but settling is not. You’re probably already settling if you’re dating men who mistreat you because they’re funny, handsome or successful. You can make a different choice anytime, starting now.

 

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